
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1109430.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Fall_Out_Boy, Bandom
  Relationship:
      Andy_Hurley/Joe_Trohman
  Character:
      Andy_Hurley, Joe_Trohman, Pete_Wentz, Patrick_Stump
  Additional Tags:
      Underage_Drinking, Implied/Referenced_Drug_Use, Oral_Sex, Anal_Sex, Lack
      of_Communication
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-12-30 Words: 4534
****** Safe, Please ******
by lillullaby
Summary
     Andy is more comfortable with Joe’s life style in theory than in
     reality. He's looked the monster in the eye and doesn't like him at
     all.
      
     Or
     Where Andy gets naked a lot to keep Joe from going out partying.
Notes
     I needed to post this so I wouldn't re-write it AGAIN.
     The idea behind Joe living his rambunctious teenaged life, and Andy
     freaking out more than is necessary.
     One bad incident don't make the druggy.
     (Both of these things are shit Andy and I have to work on.)
See the end of the work for more notes
Stop.
 
Andy wants to scream for Joe to just stop and stay home, stay with him on the
bus. Joe alway runs up, throwing him and invitation to whatever club or party
or kegger he’s about to disappear to for the next 6-12 hours. Joe knows he’ll
never say yes, always makes the offer though, and with a peck on the lips he’s
gone, yelling ‘I love you’ behind him. He knew it was sincere, but started to
hate the feeling that came along with the words. The bitterness on his tongue
lasted hours after Joe was gone.
 
But that's who Joe is- he’s a social butterfly in all the ways Andy isn’t.
Andy’s idea of a good time is a few friends and a movie or go for a walk. Joe
ran off to talk to people to as soon as the bus stopped, full of laughter and
light conversation. People loved him (how could they not? Joe was charming. His
humor was universal and he was just a genuine, nice guy.) Joe’s energy just fed
off the attention.
But that isn’t the problem (could never be the problem). Joe is an extrovert,
and it was one of the things Andy respected and loves about him. The way he can
take anyone in and make them feel important, how he keeps things alive and
comfortable. Andy is the textbook definition of an introvert, and it's
something Joe has taken in stride. Andy never has felt the need to legitimize
his personality type around Joe- and Joe has never given him a reason to.
 
No, it isn’t the fact that Joe is universally loved. It also isn’t that Andy
wants him all to himself. It's his… hobbies.
 
Andy hates watching Joe go, hates when he disappears and Andy is left home to
worry. To wonder if he's going to make it back, if he will stop before it
became too much.
But the worry, the gnawing feeling in his gut, is better than the alternative.
Better than going with him, or on the occasions he comes home early and is out
of his mind. Better than when Andy has to look into his lovers eyes, only to
see a whole different beast looking back. One who is incoherent and ridiculous.
One who doesn't think before he speaks, and everything he has to say is crude
and rough around the edges.
He isn’t a bad guy, this monster who hides in Andy’s boyfriend, but he isn’t
Joe. Not really. Not the one Andy loves. But it looks a hell of a lot like him.
 
It proves everything Andy had ever said about drugs- the whole reason behind
his entire moral system. And then again, here he was, dating someone who
parties chronically.
So how the fuck is he supposed to bring it up? How is Andy supposed to just
tell Joe that how much he hates it without it sounding like he hates Joe.
Because he didn’t.
It isn’t Andy’s place to make Joe choose.
It isn’t his place to decide for him.
(Though he might, inadvertently, do just that.)
 
xx
 
It starts out as a gut decision, which Andy is not prone to.
 
They are on tour with these older guys, and they all happened to be in the
venue's lounge at the same time Andy is. They're talking about this rave at a
nearby dive bar, and Andy has tried to make it clear he was uninterested, that
they should take their conversation elsewhere, but they take one look at the
tattoos on Andy’s wrists and decide that he wasn’t worth getting up and moving.
The talk about how crazy it's going to be; how some friend of a friend is
bringing acid and a party mix and all sorts of shit, and Andy has to get up and
leave, just to get away from it.
 
Right before the show, Joe is talking with these guys from the venue, just
chatting it up. Andy comes up to ask Joe’s to help him with his kit, waiting
patiently for the conversation to carry out. Which, of course, is when Andy's
world gets all turned around.
“Really? No way man! It sounds like a good time.”
The kid, he couldn’t have been much older than Joe, just nodded wildly, “Yeah,
dude the place always throws the biggest raves. You should come.”
“You can count on it.”
Joe finally says bye to the guy, but Andy's head has already checked out. This
can not be happening, not again. He can feel his stomach churn and oh, god he’s
going to throw up.
Because it’s one thing to just kiss Joe good bye, happily unaware. (Ignorance
is bliss and all that shit.) But to hear all of the crap Joe going out to do-
all of the ways Joe is putting himself in danger. This is way, way too much for
Andy to handle.
But before he knows it, Pete is yelling for him to get his shit on stage and
it's like he blinks and he’s playing. He feels off a beat for the entire show,
but Patrick doesn’t throw a fit, so it’s probably just the beating of his heart
in his ears throwing him off.
He beats the shit out of his drum set, trying to find some solution. Trying to
figure out how: How to fix it, how to go back in time and keep Joe from ever
hearing about this stupid party.
All he comes up with by the end of the night is that he should just talk to
Joe. What could happen? (A lot of things. Bad things.)
But apparently, his head isn’t ready for that, because as soon as they get
close enough, Andy throws Joe into a supply closet and kisses him desperately.
He’s shoving his tongue down a very surprised Joe’s throat when he finally
responds, giving as good as he gets. His tongue shoves into Andy’s mouth,
fighting to dominate the kiss. There's a hand clamping down onto the drummer’s
hips, dragging him closer. Andy can feel the rough callouses dig into his skin,
and hopes they leave bruises.
Joe gets a hands in Andy’s hair, tangled tight and tugging on his scalp. He
lets Joe take over the kiss, lets him explore and take. Because Joe is here,
and Andy will take anything he can get as long as he stays put. Joe pulls Andy
off him, gasping for breath. Andy can see the question on his lips, can feel it
bubbling in Joe’s chest, and No. No way. Andy can’t, just can’t, right now.
He growls at Joe, pulling Joe’s hand from his hair, and sliding down onto his
knees, hands pushing up Joe’s shirt as he goes. He gets his fingers on Joe’s
fly, biting at the skin just below his navel. He can taste the salt in the hair
there, the dark happy trail, knowing the way it makes Joe shiver.
 
Joe squirms, and makes a sound a little like a squawking bird. Andy giggles,
looking up at Joe through his eye-lashes. Joe’s eyes are wide, mouth red and
raw, looking down at his with confused wonder. Andy feels his stomach flutter-
he put that look there. Just him, no pills or needles needed. Just Andy. He
wonders how much farther he could push Joe, how he could prove just how good
him and Joe could be- all on their own.
He drags Joe’s pants down, getting them to his thighs before wrapping a hand
around the base of Joe’s cock and swallowing it down. Joe chokes out a moan
above him, hands going right back to And’s hair, tugging harshly. Andy just
hums, starting rhythm with his hand and mouth.
Joe never makes it to the party.
 
xx
 
Any really doesn’t mean for it to become, like, a thing. If he had stopped to
think about it, he would have realized how fucked up it was. Joe always done
shit like that to him. Just him being around fucked with head. Forced him to do
things out of character, made him stutter and blush, say and do stupid things
before thinking first. This seems like just another one of those times. It just
worked so damn well- and it wasn’t hurting anyone, so Andy figures, Why not?
 
xx
 
He gets his arm around Joe's middle after a show, pulling him against his front
while they’re watching the other bands, grinding subtly against his ass. He
feels, instead of hears, Joe’s gasp in reaction. From the outside, you just see
Andy up close, smashed in by the rest of the crowd. Joe’s breathing grows
heavy, pushing back harder against Andy’s motions.
By the time the band’s set is done and the rest of the crowd it moving around,
Joe’s body is practically vibrating. He grabs Andy’s arm, pulling him toward
the bus. Andy didn’t even know Joe could move that fast.
 
xx
 
They weren’t dating when it got bad. When Joe was experimenting with anything
he could get a hold of. Andy would find him with track marks up and down his
arms, raw nostrils, and pills of questionable origin.
Those were dark days. Andy tried really hard not to think about it.
Those days, Andy wasn’t guaranteed to see Joe for hours on end. He stopped
expecting him to come back to the bus at all.
He came crashing in one night, barely able to stand up. Andy muscled him onto
the couch. He reeked if stale beer, sweat, and rubbing alcohol. He pulls back
to get a a good look at him and fuck, who is this guy?
It was definitely not joe.
His pupils were blown wide, red and bloodshot. They lolled off to the side, not
able to even focus on Andy. The area around his mouth was raw and blistered.
The drummer slid his fingers in Joe's mouth, and pulled his lips back to find
bloody gums.
 
"Oh, Joe, what have you done to yourself."
He made Joe drink water, and sat with him on the couch the whole night to make
sure he kept breathing.
 
Joe didn't wake up the same. He stayed in the same haze, and was practically a
different person, for three more months.
Or maybe it's just that Andy didn’t forgive him for it for a while.
Joe (or this monster that has taken over Joe's brain and turned it to mush)
didn't notice.
 
xx
 
There's more than one occasion of Joe walking in to grab his jacket or phone
and him turning the corner to the bunk to find Andy in various states of
undress.
Andy's not exactly proud, but it always reaps good results.
 
xx
 
Andy has nightmares, sometimes. Nightmares of Joe dead in an alley, bloody or
knocked out along a street. Unable to protect himself or call for help.
The nightmares eat Andy alive.
 
xx
 
They have a hotel night, and Patrick and Pete are going out to get hammered.
Joe’s planning on going, Andy knows he is. It’s the nature of hotel nights- it
gives Joe the opportunity to go out, get smashed, and come back to sleep it off
until 3 o'clock in the afternoon. It’s practically harmless, just a night at a
regular bar.
Andy's quiet in the elevator, stuck in his own head during their ride up to the
rooms. Joe heads straight to the shower, ready to wash the post-show sweat off.
Andy sits on their bed, mulling over his options. He knows it’s unrealistic,
this expectation he’s gotten used to. Joe’s just going out for a drink, nothing
to big, but it still makes Andy’s stomach tie up in knots.
(Gives him flashes back to nightmares and memories of unfocused eyes.)
It takes him a minute before he’s naked and climbing under the stream of water,
pressing himself against the line of Joe’s back.
Joe giggles happily, turning around in the drummers strong arms, tracing the
patterns on his chest.
“Hi, you.” the giggle is still stuck in his voice.
Andy smiles, letting his tension go and concentrating on Joe’s touch. The
taller man curls over, kissing him warm, sweet and wet. Andy instantly feels
better. They stay like that for a while, just enjoying each other and the
intimacy. But then Joe pulls away to rinse his short hair out, and it takes way
quicker than Andy would have liked.
“Do you want me to leave the water on? Or are you good?” Joe’s smile is so
genuine that it makes Andy feel bad for how mad he feels at the words. He
pushes the automatic nasty response down and, not trusting his words, pulls Joe
back against him.
The fuzzy relaxed feeling is long gone, replaced with a desperate need. For
anything Joe will give him, for any way to keep Joe from leaving.
He kisses him hard, and pushes him against the wall of the shower hard. Joe
gasps at the cold tiles, hissing.
 
“Wh-What? Andy-”
 
Andy just groans, pushing his thigh between Joe’s legs, grinding down against
his slick skin. Joe’s head bangs back against the wall, eyes rolling back. Andy
hums happily against the taller man's neck, sucking a bruise at the junction
between his collar and neck. Joe’s dick twitches hard where it’s trapped
between their bodies, and Andy has never been so relieved.
Joe’s hands go straight to Andy’s hips, where his fingers have always fit so
perfectly, guiding Andy’s movement.
 
But it’s not enough; he doesn’t know how, but Andy needs more. Needs to find
something that Joe can’t say no to, needs to guarantee Joe won’t leave him.
 
He grabs Joe’s hand, pushing it down, toward his ass sliding it to where his
thighs meet the curve of the cheek. Joe’s hips hitch along with his breath.
 
“Yeah?”
 
Andy nods hard, because yes. Definitely. Always. He doesn’t trust his voice,
though, afraid it’ll betray him; give away how scared he is that Joe’s going to
go.
Joe whines, high and needy.
He pushes Andy out of the shower, fingers already trailing between the cleft of
his ass, dipping in to trail across his hole. The touch sends electricity
through Andy’s entire body, making skin raise in goose bumps.
Joe just laughs a little, guiding Andy to the bed, and moving to dig through
Andy’s bag, coming back with the lube and condoms. He wastes no time sliding a
slick finger into Andy, knowing how much he hates being teased. Andy almost
wishes he would drag it out, though, just to keep Joe close.
 
“I missed you, baby...” Andy nods back, and lets out a little hiccuped whimper.
Joe gets three fingers in, stretching and scissoring Andy open and so so so
much but also not enough.
 
Andy chokes out “Joe”, flapping a hand at him to get a move on. It comes out
just as small and broken as Andy was afraid of, and he hopes Joe will write it
off as desperation. Joe looks up, a small line starting to form between his
eyebrows (and, no, he's going to move. He's going to ask what's wrong) before
Andy grabs at him, pulling him up to kiss messily, reaching a hand down to
grope at Joe’s dick.
 
Joe seems to get the picture, finally pulling up to rip the condom open and
roll it on. Then- finally- he’s lining up and pushing in and Andy lets out a
sigh of relief.
He lets his mind go fuzzy and blank, lets Joe arrange him however he wants.
Just enjoys feeling Joe there, feeling stretched wide and full. Joe's hands
move up to cradle Andy's face, waiting for him to relax and give him the OK to
start moving.
Andy can feel Joe’s guitar callouses against his cheek and they feel like
heaven. He cants his hips down, pushing against Joe to get them moving and this
is Andy's favorite part.
When Joe just starts to get a rhythm going, when it's a little uncoordinated
and Joe's hands scrabble for purchase. When he screws his face up, trying not
to come too early (Joe one time said that Andy's ass was magic and had the
power to take away any and all of his stamina- and suddenly he's 13 again and
almost shoots too soon. Andy had hit him over the head with a pillow and called
him gross.)
Andy feels lost in all of the sensation. In the friction, the way Joe angles to
hit his prostate, and all of the fucking love. For a minute, it was like
everything was again and they were just Andy and Joe again.
Afterwards, when they're both satisfied and worn out, Andy lies awake in Joe's
arms and wonders when everything went so wrong.
 
xx
Andy will pull Joe away to make out when he’s talking to friends, and or to ask
for his help to set up while the others are planning what to do post-show.
and it’s awful and makes Andy feel like shit.
This is the opposite of their relationship, and Andy has no idea how to stop.
 
xx
 
Patrick and Andy are playing halo when the metaphorical shit hits the
metaphorical fan.
Joe and Pete walk into the bus, and with the comes a huge wave of uncomfortable
vibes, Andy can feel it before he even looks up.
“Patrick, can you give Andy and I a minute?”
“What-?” But Pete just grabs Patrick’s hand, pulling him out of the bus while
whispering into his ear. Andy immediately misses them.
He sneaks a look up and Joe, walking to the galley to start up coffee. Joe
makes no move to speak for a long time, and Andy wonders if he's waiting for
Andy to do it. (There isn't a snow ball's chance in hell thats going to
happen.)
“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Joe’s voice doesn’t sound mad,
per say, but it certainly doesn’t sound happy, either. Andy takes a cleansing
breath, bracing himself for a conversation he knows he doesn’t want to have.
“I don’t know what you're talking about.”
“Cut the crap!”
Ah, there’s that anger.
When Andy finally meets Joe’s eyes, he’s met head on with a deeply betrayed
look. One he has no idea what to do with. How did they even get to this place?
Where he can't even look Joe in the eye. The four feet between them feels like
miles, a distance neither of them are ready to brave.
The younger man runs a hand through his fuzzy hair, and for a minute he looks
far older than he has any right to look. (Andy put that there).
“The past month, Andy… I knew something was up. But- I don’t understand-” Joe
groaned, sitting down on the couch. Andy was stuck still.
“I was talking to some guys. They were all going on about some party last week
and one of the brought up that I hadn’t been out on a while. That’s when I
realized-”
Andy interrupts him, he can’t hear him say it.
“Joe, no. I don’t- I didn’t mean. “ Andy shuts up as soon as Joe looks at him,
expression hard and hopeless.
“What did you mean, then? Because I can only see it one way: you don’t want me
going out. Is it the guys? Do you not like them? Because that doesn’t make any
sense. So what is it?” Joe’s tone says more than his words- he knows exactly
what it was. He just wants Andy to admit it, but when Andy opens his mouth
nothing comes out.
"So... what? Andy, what? You couldn't talk to me about it? You still can't?
Andy, fuck, I can't do that. If we can't talk, that's just toxic, we're worth
more than that."
Well, he has Andy there- he is (of course) completely right.
“Joe.” His name felt heavy in his mouth, “Just. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t
watch you go off, knowing how dangerous some of that shit was. “
“It’s my life, Andy. Mine. Not yours, you don’t get to choose that for me, and
I can’t even fucking believe that you think I can't handle my-”
"I don’t! I don’t think that. I just-”
"You didn't even fucking talk to me, you shut me off and chose for me,
instead."
"Joe-"
“NO, Andy. Fuck, this is so fucked up.”
Then he was gone, hostile and upset. Andy watches desperately as Joe climbs
down the steps to the door.
Andy falls back against the counter, sliding down to the ground. He fucked up.
Big. Now Joe (his Joe) was gone- and god damn it he's crying. His glasses are
fogging up and it is entirely his fault and fuck fuck fuck.
Andy is well on his way to a panic attack when he hears the door open, and no
way- he is not ready to deal with Patrick or Pete. Not now, not a chance. But,
when he looks up, there's Joe, his eyes wide and soft, the hostility is gone.
"I'm sorry, Andy." Oh god, here it comes. Joe's going to break up with him.
"That was shitty of me. I sit here, telling you to talk to me, then I interrupt
you and storm off. " Andy just gapes, not sure what to do with that. Joe isn't
leaving?
Instead, he sits down in front of Andy, reaching tentatively toward the
drummers heavily tattooed hands. He moves like he's afraid of scaring Andy
away, like he'll flinch or jump. But that's the opposite of what Andy wants to
do- he wants to crawl into Joe's lap and beg him to stay.
Which is out of character- it's fucked up, needy, and desperate. It's
everything Andy isn't. But, then again, the rules have always flown right out
the window when it comes to Joe.
 
“It wasn’t supposed to happen.” Andy breathes, fighting back the lump in this
throat. “I never wanted to make that choice for you, I never even wanted you to
choose. But, it’s so fucking hard, Joe. Watching you go out and lose yourself
in all of it. Watch you come home drugged out, and I just-”
Shit, Andy's going to cry again.
Joe just stops for a minute, watching Andy.
“I get it’s hard for you, Andy. I know that you live differently than I do. But
we’re in this together. And you have to talk to me, we can do this if you just
fucking talk to me. I don’t bite, dude.”
“I don't know how. Not about this. Because I can’t ask you to stop, I can’t ask
you not to go out and do things you enjoy. I don’t want to, either. I don’t
want to keep you from all of that. This all just kind of… happened. And. I
just.”
Joe leans over, gathering Andy up in his arms, hands wiping the tears from his
cheeks. Fuck, he is crying.
“That’s what’s confusing me, dude. Because I know you don't want that. But, so
far, every time I've tried to go out, you just get naked. Which does, in fact,
make a for very good distraction. But it doesn't solve anything…”
“I can’t- I can’t lose you. Not to this shit. And it’s selfish and I hate it.”
“I can take care of myself, dude. You know that, I keep myself sober enough. “
Andy shakes his head, because he knows that. What he doesn't know is how to
word his fears, not and have them make any sense. “No, it’s not- Ugh. No. It’s
not that. It’s not the drinking or the smoking or the pot. I mean, I don’t love
that. But that’s just part of you and shit, I know about that. That’s
predictable, I know what to expect, and you can handle yourself. That's fine
it's just. Just."
Joe nods, his face moving in Andy’s hair.
“The harder stuff.”
Andy lets out a breath that sounds more like a sob.“I can’t watch you on acid
or that kind of shit again- That’s not an ultimatum! I promise! It’s just.
Fuck, dude, that was scary.” Joe lets out a hard breath, like he's been
punched. Like he's remembering for the first time, the fuzzy details becoming
clear.
“If you had talked to me about this”, Andy cringes, and Joe just pokes him “No,
cut that out. I’m not yelling at you. Just. We can compromise on this shit,
dude. Find a middle ground. I can stop with that shit, for the most part, keep
my partying lighter. I can work on it. But you have to talk to me, and you have
to let me do it my way.”
“I- You still want to-”
Andy’s not sure how to say 'you still want me?' without actually having to say
it.
Joe rolles his eyes, leaning in to kiss him.
“Sexual manipulation is my favorite kind. I’m never going to say no to that
bitchin' body, man. Never going to happen. Just try to use it for the powers of
good, okay? As long as you talk to me, we’ll be just fine. "
 
extra. (compromise)
It wasn't perfect, but it was pretty damn close.
It takes Joe two more years to wean off the harder drugs entirely. But, he
doesn't miss them once they're gone. He sticks to his liquor and pot and the
coherence is nice. Andy will come out with him more, now. Drink Doctor Pepper
and dance with Joe at bars, like they did before tour.
Andy will sit outside with him when he smokes, staying upwind, and only
complaining a little when he kisses him and his mouth tastes like an ashtray.
After Joe gets an electronic cigarette (completely unprompted, for the record),
Andy gets even more lax. Joe smokes it around the bus on tour, and Andy gets
used to it.
It takes maybe 2 months after tour and Joe’s allowed to smoke it in bed after
sex- and Joe's pretty fucking stoked. He was a big fan of the post-coital
cigarette and had resigned to himself to a life without when he had started
dating Andy. (He would crawl out bed for them, before. But then Andy would
complain about how he smelled, and it just wasn’t worth it.)
So one night, they're coming off the orgasm high, and Joe is about to get up to
go into the hall for a few puffs, but Andy just grabs him to anchor him on the
bed.
"I'll be right back, babe.", Joe runs his finger through Andy’s hair.
Andy doesn’t budge, "No, stay."
"I'm gonna smoke, babe, I'll be quick."
Andy nuzzles closer, looking up at Joe from his place against Joe's chest, "You
can stay."
Joe can feel his smile grow a little, cause this is kinda huge, "Yeah?"
Andy just rolls his eyes, but he's smiling too. Joe pulls out his E-Cig, and
it's loaded up with the root beer flavored shit (Andy can smell it, like syrup
and licorice) and it's such a surreal moment and Andy can't stop giggling. Joe
joins in, and they just kiss and it's awesome.
End Notes
     The straightedge wrote about partying again!
     Oh, God.
     This doesn't cover all of what I wanted to say, so there will
     probably be a piece to accompany this from Joes perspective.
     Andy was not in the right in this situation. He was a little
     manipulative- and should have talked to Joe first. His attempt was
     noble, but not good in reality.
     If it feels like that didn't come across, PLEASE let me know! I
     honestly am curious if it got lost in my own personal stupid.
     Thank you lovies. :)
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